when we were young-

Sunday, March 11, 2007

♥ 6:35 PM

what's the point of life when you can't bring ourselves to say what we wanna say?
or let things happen as what they may?

all we do is sit and wait
rehearse the lines in our heads and hesitate

problems arise we couldn't stop
you wanna explain but things turn out a flop

out of the box your dreams wander
over the bed is where the troubles linger

you get addicted with what you can't have
and blame yourself for being never enough when she left

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 5:59 PM

i remember what you said to me the first time
you gave that smile like you had something on your mind
it was so intriguing
ever since then it made me started thinking

the days went on i knew you better than before
awkward silence when i see you now no more
you made me feel special
like a movie star in a commercial

all i want to do is find a way back to the start
get you out of my life and find a way back to the start

wait is all you make me do as time goes by
busy was excuse and you are always right
time used to be lovely
but now i guess it was only temporary

my phone was silent and the calls were not from you
i felt something was wrong but i know you had no clue
you left me upset
like as if you regretted that we met

all i want to do is find a way back to the start
get you out of my life and find a way back to the start

and when you finally stop the hide
will you try to call me at night?
cause' you know that this love is a dive
sometimes i wished you were already out of my life . .

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 6:35 PM

woohoo!my 100th entry:) i didn't think my blog would have survived for so long.haha. updates.

6th march tuesday
work again! :) it's getting better i should say. cause' m more familiar with the people so i talk more. ahaha. clarine and serene came to visit me.thank goodness. they saved me. time passed so much faster with them around. i was so shocked when i saw clone's teeth!haha.FINALLY, she took her braces off. her teeth is naked now.haha.went shopping again with her. this time i really wanted to get that bag i wanted since december but i didn't. it's 93bucks for goodness sake. i wonder how i spent my money without feeling a pinch in the past. i guess cause' i was much younger then. times have changed and my taste, too.im dying to get that bag. or should i say those two bags. that reminds me i still have a bag at sharon tan's place.hmmm . . .we wanted to get the dress we tried on but it was way too short and there isn't my size dammit.only the one in green. but i prefer in black or maroon.i can't wait to sell all those clothes and bags once term starts. i need extra moolah. and i thought about working more.then again, it's really boring. was supposed to meet syl and the rest for dinner at elias.but i was way to lazy to travel all the way there so i cancelled it with them. im sorry people. i lepak with her after shopping til around 10 plus before i took a cab home. im glad we're closer now:)

7thmarch wednesday

it's serene's belated birthday lunch! clarine, serene and i met up for lunch at coca.love it. the steamboat was normal but of course better than seoul garden.like duh!haha.i was clueless and sorta disgusted by the sight and name of fish glue.

but after knowing what it actually is, it ain't that bad like huh. the soup was great but damn oily. i managed to get it out in a bowl though.ahha

we saw jacelyn tay. she's really skinny and her skin is flawless. i would she is more beautiful and demure than what i thought.

ahha, we were talking nonsense and all about her. after that, our tummies were bulging out and we trot our way out of coca. we got tickets for our show and walked around supermarkets after supermarkets.okay not really. only two actually.marks and spencer and isetan. clarine bought her potato salad and raisin danish. serene got her chocolate doughnut and i was dehydrating in the cold cold isetan supermarket.so i got myself - apple carrot juice!:)hah. shop around shaw and i found my dress in my size! yeah! ahha.damn happy in my colour as well.maroon in size 6.klove it.i was thinking if i should get it.but how not to?it's a steal dude!29bucks only.walked out with a smile on my face.clone bought herself a nice belt. i saw my bag and it called out to me a couple of times.i can't get it la.damn expensive.maybe soon?hopefully. then finally it was time for our movie. the pursuit of happYness.

cried more than 5 times.it made me think about my dad and myself. the movie is sort of a wake up call. you'll understand what i mean when you catch it yourself. here's how the story goes - will smith a father of one, sells a bone scanning machine to make a living. he is very poor. his wife works in a laundry store and is unhappy, left him for new york. will smith being determined and motivated by pursuing happYness for his son, worked his way up to becoming a stockbroker in one of the biggest company. and he of course, soon owned his own company -gardner rich in 1987. tahdah! sounds simple but really, watch it and you'll feel what ,love can make one do for another. :) i give this movie 3.5/5 MARYLAMBS.

my sister got this digestive biscuit from japan. it's in purple!

8thmarch thursday
happy birthday daddy. i never got a chance to tell you but deep down inside i love you. i was happy working today. cause' "di lam" came. that means i got entertainment.haha. he looks like donald duck.serious.haha.ok anyway, i went home straight after work and accompanied my dad. there isn't any cake whatsoever, it was the usual us at home watching tv. my mom came home and bought burger king for him. i don't feel the same as before. maybe the feeling has gone since it all happened. but i know sometimes there is still this part of me that tells me to forgive and forget about everything. live for today. the present moment.

she smiles to you like an innocent child
you're unaware what she's up to all this while
she's cunning, ferocious, evil and wild.
in the night when it's dark she starts to howl.
like a wolf she preys on the weak and runs a mile
in sheep's clothing she is in, she has a pile

nobody knows what's underneath her skin
she won't give chances, no, chances are slim.
a trap is plan for you to sin
to utter words that you don't mean
she twists and turns whatever has been
you'll look as if you instigated the scene
with her you'll fall and crawl and never begin.

beware the creature ,the master plans
she may be your friend to get your man
but you will see cause' she never lends a hand
it's hard to tell if you're a man
cause' she loves your blood, oh, she's a fan.

9thmarch

went to catch a movie with darren at cine. we hoped on to suntec for the it fair.it's horrendous.think it should be called it pasa malam instead.flyers, brochures everywhere. ah bengs and lians and punk wannabes serving customers everywhere. goodness. darren and i tried to squeeze our way through everywhere. saw clarine and serene at apple stand.ahah. meant to catch the movie 300 but then . . no more tickets so i suggested. . . MUSICandLYRICS!!!!

haha i know i know.im retarded.i already watched it and now im going for the second round.but i just simply love the show. the songs!esp the songs! bumped into brad and the rest.supper at jalan kayu with uncle leong and darren then home.

10thmarch saturday

today! im home and i didn't go to work. tired.i lay on my bed at 2 but only to close my eyes at 6 plus. think im suffering from insomnia.dammit. head's spinning a lil and all.but im glad. you know after watching in her shoes the other outta boredom, i suddenly realised how much i actually love my sisters.haha.i know im sweet.teehee. yeah and my eldest sis came back for a visit today.catch up and mabel was supposed to g to bkk next week but cancelled cause' she has no company.i said what about me?!*%%#@ sigh.i really want to go man. suppose to meet darren today maybe later but im a lil lazy eh. my sisters are playing mahjong later.dammit my hands are itching.ahha. im still thinking about my bag. . . dammit

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 7:40 PM

24th feb Saturday
met up with her after so long for lunch and shopping. ahha. damn fun la. this is the first time mann. we shall do it more often right? you got a nice dress! just right for the occasion. after that i met song for dinner at pizza walker. i ate some molten cake thing cause' i wasn't really hungry and we walked around. nothing much to say and i gave him some advices he needed. i hope that helped you.

met tantan and edna at ps while waiting for nurul and syl for norbit. i wasn't really excited about watching it cause' i didn't intend to watch that. true enough, it turned out real bad for me. i was practically stoning in the cinema. syl had to ask me if i was alright. haha.

i give norbit 1/5MARYLAMBS.

i forgive you syl for that slam dunk stunt you did that night but i hope everything will be fine one day for you and mei.

we went for supper after the movie at some Chinese restaurant opposite parklane. the noodle's nice but it was as if they they cooked it in a pot of oil. tantan, edna and i were laughing real hard outside cause' i was imitating the accent of eddie murphy in the movie. haha.

syl was craving for a drink so we stopped by this pub and had a drink. of course i didn't. but we played that gin vodka bourbon tequila coke - game. ahah damn fun.up or down was of course not left out but it wasn't fun so we played the questions game. i asked nurul," have you watched hong toh jing?" haha. that was a damn good one. she didn't understand what the hell was that. and she went huh?! ah hah, got ya!

25th feb Sunday

mahjong at keith's place. i almost puked. there was this damn scary Filipino lady who knocked the grills and told us off for playing. cause' keith played the day before and now again. so we moved to the kitchen and played 3leg while waiting for xiping. we played all the way after xiping came til 9 plus. guess what, we found a plastic bag full of urine and shit outside keith's door. fucking sick. biggest suspect - that Filipino lady. basket she stay all the way at the corner and she want to complain? damn scary and evil. to think that she is capable of thinking about doing it and did it. goodness.

26th feb Monday
mahjong again! all the way til morning with clarine, xiping and keith. this time we changed venue. at keith's sister's place. it is just opp my block. ahah. happy sia.

we ate lots of snacks keith bought from Taiwan. nice:) esp this one in the picture. it is wrapped with peanuts and some green herbs. we finished everything. this time we played til 6plus.

27th feb Tuesday

mahjong mahjong!again at keith's sister's place with keith, keith's granny and brother-in-law til around 10 then we went for dinner while waiting for clone to come my place for another session. clone you gave me a shock! xiping came and hid at that corner. i really got a shock what a surprise.haha.

28th feb Wednesday

slept til 4 and got woken up by sianrui. prepared myself for alfee's belated dinner. went to pick sianrui up and met val, alfee,jinwen at fish and co. i had penne with mussels in cream sauce

and we all shared that humongous ice blended drink - jungle freeze

.my pasta was not too bad but wasn't fantastic. all of us couldn't finish our food. jinwen ate everything up includinng ours.

except for my pasta, it was too dry by the time he ate it. we wanted to catch a movie but alfee couldn't cause' he need to get home by 11 to do some stuff. we walked around taka.i bought 2pairs of shorts from pull and bear. love it:) i wanted to get the jacket but im still thinking about it. i need more moolah. went to sianrui's place to chill and watched dvd. he brought us around the house. i felt as if i was the camera man of CRIBS, just that the house ain't that crib-style. it was big though. 4 storeys and i love love love the rooftop even though there wasn't anything there. i took a smoke there while talking on the phone with clarine. it oversees all the other houses and the wind was chilling. damn shiok.

we sent alfee and val out. i had an idea. BBQ! ahha. i text val and all.settled.the next day we're gonna get the stuff and have one ourselves. we sent jinwen out.before he left sianrui brought the both of us to eat frog porridge. damn shiok! yumyum. i wasn't hungry at all but i think i ate 2 and a half bowls of it. sianrui and i had a slow walk back.clarine came not long after.we had a 3 rounds of mahjong. fun man. my first time with joker. exciting.we sent clarine all the way back home. this clone was hungry.haha. headed to 7-11 for supper. then it was back to his place.

1st march thursday

bbq! i ended up staying over at sianrui's place after the mahjong session with clarine. damn tired. he slept on the floor of course.haha. he went out with his sister for a haircut while i was still sound asleep. he bought ramily burger for me! shiok, i can't remember when was the last time i had one. i went home to get changed.we went to the supermarket at hougang point to get the stuff for the bbq. jinwen came and val almost lost her way.haha. we bought lots of stuff considering there were only 5 of us. and alfee. but he didn't turn up cause' his relatives were at his place. jeryl and ken came though. so they help prepare all the stuff while i cooked pasta. mahjong with jeryl and sianrui.i won! haha. jeryl went home with 8bucks in his wallet. sorry!another round of mahjong with ken this time. basket i lost. it wasn't you ken,it was sianrui's sister!i was damn angry with ken,almost wanted to kill him. he dropped my phone. i have never dropped my phone before! i couldn't take it so i went back in to the house and chilled. fucking angry. val knew and came in to talk to me. thanks val! you made me smile or rather, laugh:) we went up to sianrui's room and chilled. watched dvds, played daidi and made funny noises - that came from jinwen "oh yeah" hahahaha damn gay! cannot take it. ken and i went to the rooftop to smoke.i just love that feeling, what i mean is smoking at the rooftop.how i wish i owned a house that has a rooftop as well.

while watching that daniel wu show again, only ken, val and i survived. the other two fell asleep. sianrui even snored.ahha.pig. his mom bought bread for us. piping hot ones how nice.it was 9.30am the next day and we took a slow walk out to catch a cab home.

2nd march friday

i slept all the way until the moon smacked my butt.that was like 8 plus. was suppose to meet ken to go sianrui's place together for mahjong and frog porridge but sianrui came down with high fever and backache.tsktsk oldman. syl called and asked to meet at pitstop with the rest and for the first time after 4times, i said ok.haha. it's at boat quay that's why. i met ken for dinner, a very late one then head to pitstop to meet the rest. we played taboo there. damn fun. haha edna was funny. SUPERMODEL. yeah with the underwear outside. haha. we went for supper at golden cafe ,saw bartop dancing at the opposite pub. sexaye. there were two caucasians, apparently drunk, took the large cones by the side of the road and shouted in it to communicate with one another from one end to another like as if the cones were loud hailers. hahahah. i have no idea what they were shouting into the cones if you're wondering.

while walking towards mac's for a pee tan and edna were humoured by me damn badly. they kept laughing at the cowboy accent or black accent i imitated.haha. oh ya lian as well. is times like this i miss mei. how i wish they two are fine. if mei was around she'll play along. oh well. i have to meet her soon. syl bumped into cheryl and her friend..they ended coming along with us for drinks. wtf. i just wasn't feeling comfortable. so was tan. tan was smart, you know me, she figured out when we were playing up or down. i was narrating the story of how i felt and all about THAT. i'll listen to your advice tan. but by doing so, i think i know what the ending would be like. don't you think so?

on the way back in the cab with syl,tantan and nurul there was this other cab beside us. there sat 1 very cute guy. haha. the other two were shadowed so i couldn't tell. anyway the thing was he smiled and waved haha,looked for a very long time according to syl and tantan. he's cute la:)teehee. too bad our cab went way faster than their's and i lost him.

3rd march saturday

first day of work at sony gallery. BORING. there is nothing to do at all. i mean my job is to do redemption and serve customers when im free. im free all the time. it's a saturday,i expected some busy crowd.but it was pathetic. i served like say 4-5 customers?i can even count . so i walked round and round the gallery from 10am-3.30pm. everyone was really friendly and all of em were men. im clueless about all the products so i decided the best bet was to stand around psp. cause' that's what i know best. 9/10 customers were foreigners. japanese, honkys, french, turkish, indonesians,americans. thank goodness they all know english.

after work i went shopping alone. tried on a pair of gas jeans or should i say pants cause' it ain't denim. i love it to death but i didn't know if it was worth the buy cause' i don't wear jeans that often anymore. called val and shewas coincidentally on her way down to town to get her cousin's prezzy. i waited for her for 2hours at coffee bean's. read my book, drank my long craved for caramel frappe. the book's damn addictive. it made me recall and think about alot of happenings and questions i asked myself about another before. i get it all now:)bwhahaha. i hope i'll get better after that. at 6plus val came and she told me to get it.i did! woohoo! my first gas jeans. more to come? i went miss sixty.nothing nice. i love the shorts but too pricy especially after buying the jeans. i bought a cap from diesel as well. i think i'll be going back to get another in red. i keep thinking about it when i went home. was supposed to meet sianrui and ken for movie but val didn't want to. met my sister. after that i met ken, tommy, zul,jinwen and meiling at starbucks ps for a talk. zul's damn humourous.what a small world. you know them too. we all took a walk down bugis. then it was home for all of us.

4th march sunday
2nd day of work. was made fun of. you bloody di-lam! im gonna call you that from now on.haha. announce my chinese name once more and you'll see. i went home straight after work to prevent myself from buying anything. my sister's back from bali!:) she bought some 'fry-yourself' keropok. she didn't wanna stink her hair so i did the frying. it was amazing seeing the small flat pieces of hard flour fish keropok growing bigger and bigger in the oil. we used olive oil.cause' of that,i didn't smell like a fish. i was so tired that i fell asleep on the couch while whispering in my mind "10mins,10mins and i'll bath" i woke up when my dad came back. tantan text me and told me about her stuff. then i went to bath while waiting for tantan.

To oasis we go!it was closed.dammit. tantan came to pick me up and we went to pick nurul and syl from novena. i feel you tan. i understand what you mean and all. i guess it's better for you to let her know if not she'll ask her around all the time. i was playing psp on the way to frog porridge. worms haha stupid game.

we went all the way to thompson cause' tantan made a wrong turn .we ended up on the wrong lane. there wasn't any U-turn point until thompson.nurul, you call this an adventure? syl was getting car sick by then, i was still stuck on the psp.edna came to meet us and we went to my place after eating.

it was already 1plus in the morning and edna,syl and i played some badminton.haha.it's been ages since i touched my rackets. while taking them out, i realised my tennis racket is still being unused after my one month of training. wilson N-series anyone? ken asked me out for supper but i was too darn lazy and engrossed to the movie music and lyrics. it's damn nice and im gonna watch it again, this time, on the big screen.

5th march monday

finally! today. i woke up at 4plus and cooked for my sister cause' she got to go to work. cooked for my dad as well. he's damn lazy. can't stand it. seriously. just quarrelled with my mom over the dishes my dad didn't wash. dammit! AH!!!! suppose to meet tantan and edna at bugis but then i was lazy. so i decided to stay home. and i kinda regretted my actions, cause' i hate to stay home when there's them.

when will it ever happen that you realise you're lucky?
that all this while you should be sorry?

for all the things you've done to make us worry,

i hate you for treating me like im not worthy.

complain and whine all you want but not to me.

if you dislike the way he is then why did you marry?

im not him so stop vending your anger on me.

blame yourself for your own life story.

you are your own pillar so don't call me.
sometimes i wonder if you love me for the money,

that i will bring to you in the future when im working.

tell me that my thoughts are just temporary,

or i don't think i can stand this, not even maybe.

*i always needed someone to shed some light

not just somebody through the night*

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 1:14 AM

as i have mentioned, these are some pictures that i have taken last week? and some this week.

this is a real joke. never never and i mean NEVER order this in crystal jade. it's called beef brisket portugese style? along those lines. but it's actually curry. and it's sick! bleah. the thought of it.

syl and gang at my place gambling. look at her. and yes he was there.

lion dance! there were at my place doin their thing. they left four numbers but no use eh. it was massive. i almost got killed by the loud bangings in my sleep.

COMIN BACK TO NOW . . .

hours of mahjong session and now i've got a lil' headache at the back of my head. it's like it's splitting apart. anyway, yes i've been playing mahjong again with manda and another time with bryan. im glad i talked to him the other day when we lepak. it kinda made me understood certain things in life.

i just talked to song online and we might be going out tmr. haha. feels weird coming from him.must be the conversation we had the other day about his valentine.poor him. he's a cool friend. suppose to play mahjong and hangout but his house is too far song!unless i get a ride home.haha.thanks for having my back and telling me about what i needed to know. :)

watching the video just a while ago, i blasted the volume to listen to what he had said. and i couldn't figure it out. but i think what i thought about everything came out right. though i didn't ask and assuming is wrong but at least it ain't a bad assumption. but it is for me.

i heard the news from clarine. i didn't think about it for a very very long time and i didn't think i would. not to the extent that it would have affected me for that moment. quite like a pinch. when she uttered it, i couldn't help but pretend nothing is wrong; everything's just fine.

i guess as much that the ending would be this way. i mean what else could i have expected? i shouldn't have even tried some might say, but if i didn't try, how else would i have known i shouldn't?oh, all the BUTS and MAYBES, SHOULDN'T HAVES and SHOULD HAVES. life's like this. why bother.

i lay on my bed and still think, "should i text?is the time right?like now?but what if it ain't?and what if he thinks im pissing him off?but i really want to."then i'll close my eyes and tell myself "that's it marilyn, that's enough." that day spent would be repeating in my head like a favorite song on your playlist. just over and over again.you just can't get enough.

got myself prepared

i chose to wear my best

i look up in the sky

i hope the weather's fine

movie's your treat and pick

it's best when you chose those seats

your hands on my knee

i stay still on my feet

your shoulders were like a pillow

it's you i'll follow.

when i think of you and me

i think of all the possibilities

how wonderful it would be

if everything's gonna be what i think it means

but i know we won't be

with all the difficulties

you will never get to see

the truth that is hiding in me

you're stuck.

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 2:49 AM

I've been thinking about you the entire day. i just can't clear the thought of you. clear the smile on my face when I'm around you. the butterflies in my tummy upon your arrival. it feels like thunderbolt. and i love that feeling because i know it's something special that i feel for you. it kills me to know if you do. but I'm afraid. terrified to know the fact that for every wish i make to have a positive answer, it's every reason why you won't give me one. there may be too many things around us that affects.disrupts. i just want to erase everything for you to realise the truth. but no matter my effort, you'll be blinded. because you'll only see light from the other side of you. I'll be left in the dark. i could feel it stepping all over me. you can't see me. probably you won't.i was reaching out to you, i always did. i don't know if you saw that or feel it. I'm sure you did. what happen now? i pray hard that it continues like i wanted it to be. i want to see those brown eyes smiling at me. i feel shitty. empty. I'm tired of explaining myself. God knows. whatever you said did hurt and i chose to erase them so that i can pretend those words didn't come from you. i want to make believe that everything is going fine and well. and that you are still the one that believed me right from the beginning. you don't know how relieved i was when i knew you were there to listen. there was actually a needle out of that freaking haystack. but i guessed i lost it now. without that needle i can't sew my wound. you make me feel protected and I'm clueless about how i could stand your part chauvinism. it's just you. i would want to live that two days, over and over and over again. i told myself up teen times that it's no use. I'd probably won't get to see you again under the circumstances. but i can't seem to stop? who could do it anyway? so i rather not force myself. but then again, i feel so dumb and helpless. no one can help me and i can tell no one about it. I'm confused. sometimes i feel so paranoid that you'll be laughing at me thinking about how silly I'm. like "haha that girl thinks I'm for real? come on!"i knew it all along but i wouldn't admit to you about what i knew even when you asked. i was afraid. that if you know i knew, you would blurt out the truth, the whole truth and i would be devastated. crashed. so im crossing my fingers and whispering in my mind that "no it ain't this way, it ain't like what i heard. he must be kidding around. nah he didn't mean it" tell me im not lying to myself will you? will somebody? all i can do is to wait for your call, wait for you to make the first move. i don't want to initiate anything, i don't want to have the possibility of you thinking that im a pest. but tell me is that all i can really do? sit and wait? how can i? just put me to sleep til my phone rings of you. you don't know how high my heart jumped when i heard that song when you called. "keep holding on" i wanted to slap myself a thousand times or make myself choke on something when i said something that sounded like im busy and you had put down on me in the end. i just didn't know what to say. your call came so unexpected, i wasn't prepared. it's not that i want time to write a script or anything but i need time to breathe and relax and think of something to say better than that so i could continue talking to you. i racked my brain for ideas to text you. do you know when i saw what you said i was near tears? i bet you don't. i really pray so hard that God would just grant you a dream and tell you im not like what you said.or maybe think. whatever you said meant a whole lot to me. and i bother, make an effort to call or do my best to explain.even though i don't have to. i want you to know what you think of me is important. i don't know if things are going to work out the way i want them to be. but i know in my heart that i think of you every now and then. and i have yet to opened it up because i don't know if that'll be the first and last thing that im receiving from you. i hope the day of me opening it up with a smile on my face knowing that that won't be, will come soon. at least soon enough. you won't be reading this but like i said God knows about it. i just need to spill some beans.

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 9:34 PM

finally:) Happy Chinese New Year! yeah! it's the year of the pig!hooray! angpaos and more angpaos:) had my game of blackjack and mahjong and i want more mahjong! waiting for pang to call so i decided to blog since i have yet to do it for so damn long. so many things to say! went to my granny's house and met up with all my cousins. so many babies in the house! im aunt already.how fast. invested in blackjack today at my aunt's place and . . bwhaha. earned a lil' for keeps.

ok updates . .

12th feb
went for a car ride with mingxue,brandon and bradley. after that was - first time ever! the after taste was a lil' weird but overall ok. i had to keep drinking water. bweah! made my throat damn dry. but it was fun. i couldn't keep my head straight i realise. ahah. and i was easily tickled by almost nothing funny. haha. sean and kah was the worst. esp kah, the way he talked.haha. sean kept pointing at me. basket. i can tahan ok! the isolated amanda haha. she didn't want to come near us la. "droppy faces". haha. i'll never forget that night.

13th feb
went for the interview at sentosa and manda and i decided to walk out. they made us wait for 2 hours dammit. and we walked and walked til we reached sentosa cove. how cool was that? haha silly us, act smart wanted to walk out instead of waiting for the bus. then we went vivo and saw fann wong, alvin ng and all the other casts of the singapore movie. something law i can;t remember. fann is damn skinny. she look like a doll. but i think her head's too big. but still . . PRETTY. head back to manda's house for a swim! alas! i swam after so long! i should say, i EXERCISED after so long. ahha. thank goodness it was in the dark. teehee.

14th feb

happy valentine's day! same-o same-o. nothing much we did. we swam again. ahah. i stayed over at manda's place and we swam and tanned a lil'. i didn't tanned a whole lot. just wanted to take a peek under the sun. went to ikea to have dinner with her mom as well and shopped for stuff.

look how cute the choc is!i simply love this.
we were supposed to club but i came down with really bad cough and all. so didn't go. sorry manda! we ended up meeting brandon. this is us at tavistock park. manda got stuck in the web. brandon was lepaking at one corner and i - busy taking pictures.Looking back . . .

15th

had my reunion dinner with my family in addition of my brother-in-law!haha he's damn quiet la. kenneth can talk and smile more anot?after which clarine came my place and watched canto show.

16th feb

:)))))))))) - i think i said enough?

17thfeb

syl, mei, tantan, edna and jyen came my place to gather and stuff. i had a special guest at the same time. it was ok la. usual hang out chill.gamble.smoke.eat.laugh.but still :))))))))))))))

18th feb

was at my grandad's place til late evening then went clarine's cousin's place to play mahjong at bedok. damn far but worth it. i got to see serene finally!:) i miss her so much after so long la. i think the last time we met was my borthday last year. is it? i forgot but anyways i was damn happy. she's still the same old her.

6th feb

dil, clarine and i went to arab street after my hair cut.this is me. i bought my vintage glasses! :)smoked sheesha . .i forgot what the name of the drink is but i assure you is nice. pomegranate, lime and . . ok my memory failed me. i stole the cap from the shelf beside me in the picture and took pictures. haha the rest followed after and we had great fun with it!"SHAWARMA" it's not really delicious. the meat is dry and hard. but the wedges was definitely worth it!

then we headed down to the playground near clarine's place. jln nirang. is it? it was late but we had a hell of a swing!it's me trying to balance on the spring see-saw. i managed to balance alone!
8th feb
went to school tad too late.thank god sam allowed me to have my own presentation last min:)
karen fell asleep while listening to my presentation and our discussion.
after that i went to meet tantan, mei and nurul for dinner at cartel in tm. i ordered chicken chop with mushroon sauce and they served me pork. dammit.
discussed about syl's surprise party.
took some random shots during the thinking process. then in the night i met dil and clarine. same-o same-o. we lepak-ed at the void deck under my block til late.

i have more pictures coming up and syl's birthday surprise as well. til then.

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 3:21 PM

AT LAST! i have the time to blog. it's been busy busy busy for me these days. we'll start from where we ended.

I went for Mr. Brown's talk in school! he is not as humourous as i thought he would be. but i had a fair share of laugh. He told us how he started and shared podcasts and videos with us. it's funny. i took videos of it but it isn't very clear. wasted. when asked why he wanted to busted Mr. Lee and if he did all the political issues on purpose, he replied "I didn't wake up one day and say to myself, i shall CRITICISE!"

Just so you guys know, this is my block! i mean in school of course.

i bought this dress for new year! i love it.

and tried this one on for fun when i was out with valerie. i went out with val twice to shop.haha.fun fun fun. val bought her retro dress and was smiling throughout. :) Thanks val for goin in search with me for my white dress. love

this is one dress that i liked. i said likED. the sleeve ain't sewed together.

1ST FEB

as i have mentioned to some of you, yes 1st feb was my sister's solemnisation! so sweet! this are the 'jiemeis' making the foodies for the groom before entering the house. it's buns with bittergourd and chilli padi. haha poor kenneth and the brothers had to eat them. i took loads of videos. there was one where we made kenneth wear a red color underwear and sing "be my baby"with a guitar outside our door. then we made him suck a sugar-coated man-made dick.haha.

lovely

sometimes i wonder if im picked from the chute.

the solemnisation at kenneth's place. don was damn funny. he ran out of the cab and waved at my sister before the ceremony.

me in the lift. all the brothers and my family were at my place. damn noisy and fun.all were gambling and eating. it's a great crowd. take it from me, sometimes it's good to have a crowd.edna came for a while and i was downstairs with her for quite a while. thank goodness i didn't bumped into my aunt while smoking.

2nd Feb

edna and i. :) went town with my mom and bought another black dress. i went to meet edna at marina and bought my shorts at zara.

then we met tantan and nurul at arab street. played bluff and drank a whole lot of rootbeer.

this is what i ordered. affagato. swweeeeeeeeeeet.

we got the magic stix!

look at the cheese. yummy.

then edna and i went to her friend's place. he owns 40 chinchillas and a pet shop and other businesses. nice place and we mahjong-ed all the way til 6.at last my fingers are satisfied :)

5th FEB

RP SALE!!! haha. that was what mark and i said. it was actually a fire drill practice.

and there you go again, kelvin posing for me.

ok that's all for now. i shall blog later again. laterR.

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 12:45 PM

i feel so lost now i don't know what to do.
where are you when i need you to talk to?
it has always been this way.
nothing is better
one after another
i think you will turn your back one day
follow that route you will
your master shall be there waiting
i really hate the way you are
you are killing me with every word you say
stabbing me with your smile and laughter
i'd rather you commit a crime
just kill me

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 12:39 PM

i hate you, you liar.
you make me feel worse then ever.
it's like as if you're doing this on purpose.
to bring me down and out.
to tell me how much better you are.
thank you for letting me be cautious of you.
now i've learnt my lesson.
I FUCKING HATE YOU!FOR NOW
I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU.AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 2:42 PM

im in school! t 1.13pm. i know it's damn late. i took a cab and guess what? it's my dad's friend and he didn't charge me in the end. :)

gab and gang's leaving today at 6.15. he's on the way there now. remember my dog shit! come back safely for the 15 of feb! see once again i was supposed to diet today and karen says she wants to treat me to the cookies and cream chocolate divine. how m i to reject her kindness? haha i know it's just an excuse but i can diet tomorrow can i? just as long as i lose some weight before thurs! that's important.

i can't wait to see my sister in her gown and im gonna get angpao! hah kenneth you're gonna get me a big one. ok. below are the pictures i took the past few days.

while we were holding SUI! meeting . .. there were only

one - kenneth

two - vanessa

three - zhiwang

and four - me. damn pathetic.

our class during break time - joanna's class. you stand up

distribute food

while others are doing work.

this is cookies and cream chocolate divine!!!!!

my dose of macadamia to fuel my brain.

:) lovely

on the way to school. . .

while we were at the shop. look at mag hiding at the corner. you know what we were trying to listen from the rose? jasmine's voice recorded in it. damn funny. we were all trying means and ways to record her irritating voice in the rose. we were all standing around her posing with the rose while secretly recording.then after that, we run out of the shop laughing real hard.Mag's listening to the funniest. haha.too bad i can't load it up.

this is the entire collection of the voice recordable roses.

this is the tini weenie snail clone found. and the Caucasians neighbours made fun of me. haha say im learning to becoming a live animal photographer. it's damn punie, it's the size of my thumb. seriously damn small.

i was bored and i thought the packaging for sweets these days are getting fancier.

and fancier . .

ok that's all for this entry. :)

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 10:37 AM

today's joanna's lesson again. surprisingly i woke up today without having noel to call me. i guess it's the olsen waking me up.i couldn't get myself to sleep last night and i was looking through some olsen pictures to inspire my weight losing strategy. when i woke up this morning upon the ringing of my alarm, i thought i saw slides of olsen pictures on my phone according to the beat of the alarm tone. I thought it was real until i woke up. what an olsen-ic experience.

UT was great today. i knew how to answer! all! oh well it's culture so i bet im not the only one. im finally doing something for math today.im proud of myself. i went back into the world of visual basics! im doing it now and it's intriguing.

my initial dieting plan failed. i was too hungry to resist the fish soup. so i had hat with truckloads of chillipadi and my mates were making fun of my lips after that.haha.they were RED HOT ok. now my tummy's feeling quesy.dammit. I had honeydew as well and wenhao, i knew "mu gua" is papaya! my chinese ain't that bad ok.

im suppose to meet my program chair today but i don't think i have the time to. shall meet up tomorrow. i have a strong craving for macadamia!can't take it. im gonna make someone go down to get it.haha.

okay, im gonna make sure i diet tomorrow. i might be, i said MIGHT be going running today. or should i rather say jogging.

Thanks! erniye and jason for making me feel better. jason- you were suppose to call me back you bad cousin! but i still thank you for being there when i screamed and yelled and wailed so badly over the phone:)love and erniye- we'll meet up soon.

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 10:06 PM

in every hopeful prayer, i wish there was answer
may the light shine on the truth
let everyone know what's beneath

in every breath i take i wish it was my last
it's the plunge i never did take
the pain i never did dare to bear physically
but i bear it emotionally without realising that it's affecting

im in a state of confusion and i can't take it off my mind.
what exactly it is that is bothering is kept in me.
i want to spill and pour it all out on someone
there seem to be too many and it's adding up a sum
one after another

i won't deny the fact that i find no one i can tell
you won't know who will turn their back against you the next minute.
watch your back or you will regret.

why is everything weaving deeper into my head
it's worse than feeling the gun shot.
it's coming from within

i guess im lying to myself all this while
i was never happy
the melancholy just decided to take a rest
and now it's back to hit me
it will never return to where it belong

i don't understand myself so don't ask
i don't even know when it will be over
or should i rather say when will i be able to erase the history or at least push them aside
forever haunting and disturbing

there is so much to explain, to say, to express
but there is too little time,too little people to understand and maybe, too little listeners
nothing was ever enough to make my smile last through a day
something, somewhere always decides to take a different path

i thank GOD that my faith is still in me
even though there are just as many doubts about my life
im strong for the same reason im weak
i feel resentful with things and emotions for the same reason im thankful
sensitivity

i dare hold my head up high and shout out the sacrifices i've made
tell the whole world the things i have done and been through
i stand on the stage with red velvet and spotlights
only to find an empty theatre
im my only audience, no one else
i pray for someone to open the doors to take a seat
he shall be my audience, my listener
until that day comes, i'll probably not smile with my heart
the little place called heaven will be too faraway
i will be dehydrated and my eyes will swell
the colour of me will be gone
because when that happens it will probably be too late
no one rescued me, no one ever did, no one will
nobody saw the colour of me
and even if they did it was after somebody discoloured me
nobody bothered to wash it off to know me
because im just a nobody

the blood flowing in me is about to burst into flames
and soon my heart will explode
my lungs will expand as i shout
my veins will split as i sink myself deeper
my eyes will sore
i'll be too exhausted trying too hard to fade

i want to smoke it away
or at least vent it on something
but i don't want to depend on it
and now it's stuck i can't get anything out of me
i want to but im used to keeping it
unlock me will you?

i've paid my price before i bought anything
and along the way i received my gifts
but nothing was enough and nothing compared to what i have been paying for
i guess it will come in later

i think i have said a whole piece
forgive yourself if you don't understand a word
this is me trying ways to unlock myself
you know what's best at the end of the day?
i failed to.
im not feeling any better

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 5:19 PM

it's so pain i can't find a word to describe
i just want someone to sit and listen to me for once
just for awhile

there is so many things i want to say
just too many
you don't have to utter a word
just listen to what i have got to say

for all the times i was there for someone
for all the times i thought for another
for all the times i placed someone before myself
for all the times it was for someone else
what happened to mine?

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 4:25 PM

i want to leave to a faraway place
where nobody knows
you can find me not
and you will not see my face

runaway as far as it could be
where nobody goes
you can get lost
and gone will be my memory

close my eyes and sleep til then
where nobody's real
you can dream and fantasise
and there can be a sweeter end

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 12:49 AM

SOMEBODY HAND ME A GUN TO KILL ME

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 8:49 PM

just let it fly with no goodbyes
details don't matter when it's all lies
nothing can compare to the truth right before you
only what you feel is true

burn away the stories you've heard
seek a second advice if it affects you
lock away whatever you have in mind
for opinions told and said around you are unkind

crash and burn the thoughts in your head
let it all out in the night when you lie on your bed
all you need is one more day to feel anew
so say your goodnight and forget about what you threw.

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 2:09 PM

stayed over at clarine's place. needless to say, i woke up first. clone's still asleep like a log. im so hungry! i wanted to sleep more but was woken up by the melodious sound of the piano. then i was tossing and turning and just when i almost fell asleep again, my phone rang. it came to me as a surprise. i couldn't get back to sleep after that so i took a shower and called back. no answer though. oh well. busy maybe? .

movies i wanna catch:
one last dance,
spirit of the victim
the wicker man
perfume
fur
ghostrider,
bobby
epic movie
protege
dream girls
hannibal rising
the number 23
300
teenage mutant ninja turtles!,
awake
alpha dog
the hitcher
spiderman 3,

well i can't wait for all the movies to come premiere! i wanna catch them all! Val don't worry, i'll leave some for you haha. i wanna eat our spicy with truckloads of chilli padi fried fish soup with milk! can't wait.

*tales repeat in my head
you have no clue i knew

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 6:03 PM

after everything, i realised that im alone. im sick and tired of everything that has been happening and i want it to end. i can't stand this anymore. i finally understand that nothing has ended at all. im still it. it has come to a point that it scares me. i don't know who i can trust. i don't know who truely is a friend.

im unsure if i should resent or thank god for this life that i have. nothing has been great. NOTHING. i shouldn't explain. i don't want my personal life to made into a joke , they ain't no heart, they have no limits.

i wanna close my eyes, fall and cry.
it's times like this i wanna die.
im fading away so don't ask me if im fine.

i live in fear and pain.
this hypocritical place has got it's aim.
it pull me down into darkness
im blinded and i see no light

im confused as to who to trust
everyone's turning their backs on me way too fast.
i can't tell. this is hell.

i shall walk alone on this day
take time to think about a way

my anger turned into tears
my tears turned into anger
it's within me and i can't let go
i can't let it out, pretend and put on a show.

i wanna fall on my knees into someone whom i can trust.
i don't know who that will be.
i feel all alone.
what m i saying?
im alone.

i heard tales from the crypt.
it made me felt like im the fool you meet.
tales from the crypt hurt me bad
it hit me hard
that everything is unchanged,
that maybe you are one of them
that even the one that seems near is far.
if im the fool then walk away from me.
don't hurt me like the rest.

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 2:52 PM

i finally have the time to blog about the past week.

the Team behind the scenes.

the opening of SUI!. the counter

CEO kenneth behind

Half of the SUI family

Mr Teo Ser Luck and press

our party.

kenneth, zhi wang,song, martin and i

vannessa and i (above) Leslie and i (Below)

Went out with noel and debby to have dinner at J8 sakae.

the gross sashimi salad and noel made me eat the raw squid. yuck! it has this milky texture when you chew. bleah. thinking of it makes me sick.

darren's feet.

bubble fun

debby and noel. at the void deck.

the leong brothers. after having a bubblicious time, we went to buy tickets for movie at cine!

at cine, waiting for debby to get her snacks and darrent o finish his game, i decided to be an irritant and blow bubbles in public. some people got a shock, and one of the bubbles got stuck on this guy's back.haha. i pretended to take a pic of cloneand tadah, see it?

we caught GRIDIRON GANG.It's a touching but typical american inspirational thank you movie. about kids in homes and forming a football team with the help of "the rock"- their somewhat caretaker who believes in them and whose mom is fading. it touched me to tears at some parts. it's based on a true story by the way and if you're catching the show, make sure you stay when it's over, there are clips of the real man behind it. i give GRIDIRON GANG 3.5/5 MARYLAMBS.

while smoking and waiting for cab, cine sky was filled with bubbles. :) thanks to us.

That's zhiping serving watermelon juice at W1.

Kelvin and Zubin

That's michelle and karen sitting beside me.

Mark's wearing beanie.diana's passing the tea and alice munching on her vege sandwich.

My team! zhiping, michelle, kang leaong covering his face and diana. haah. transparent! haha*group joke*

Dolly eating her wang wang.

NEW! haha the change of packaging. as you can see, i was damn bored, i took rubbish like this.

i thought this looked like a bubblegum packaging.

look at the sweet! damn nice right?

dolly and i ahah.attempt one.

attempt two and three and then four

the girls.

Michelle and i. she looks a lil like a hamster.damn cute.haha

Munie and i. my snuffy.

attempt two.

Val and i went causeway to catch a movie and we did that twice i can't remember the dates but i remember the latest one was on 16th jan. haha. we caught Blood diamond on the first time and Apocalypto the second time.

Blood Diamond was GREAT!!! it's about conflict diamonds. the movie explores poverty in the third world country - Africa. It's devastating to see the lives of the adults being sacrificed and the well being of the kids being taken away from them. imagine a world where education becomes practical weaponary lessons, humans being made experiments alive. you gotta watch this movie i swear. it made me cry to tears and thought about the times where we take cab around and the complains we make in our everyday lives when "my son walks 5Km eveyday to learn english, he's gonna be a octor someday" quoted from the movie.buy only conflict-free diamonds people. i give BLOOD DIAMOND 5/5 MARYLAMBS. way to go!

Apocalypto - a Mel Gibson film is good. this is worst than third world, we're talking about tribal dude! It's gross but then it teaches you somewhat survival skills.haha. overall good and exciting. alot of tribe fights and touching scenes. i give APOCALYPTO 4/5 MARYLAMBS.

Before APOCALYPTO . . .

Val and i at Gelare. she had honey malt crunch and i had lemon sorbet. yumyum. While Val's doing her RJ, i was damn bored so i took pictures of what i bought earlier on at my shop. :) I know it doesn't go with anything in my wardrobe but im gonna make that happen on sunday. val and i are heading to China town, Bugis, Arab street and maybe little india.hahah. it seems like some heritage day huh. i gotta get something vintage and preppy.this is the earrings and below, the matching necklace. i got a discount though. thanks VANESSA! Val says this is avocado. yeah right, it's buah salak my dear! ahhasweet tooth time. she had to satisfy her craving so gumgum here we come.

we went to catch a movie and i hope that cheered him up though it wasn't the show he wanted to watch.haha dumbshit. asked for ghostrider.aha

the end.

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 11:48 PM

so here im lying down on my bed. somebody hand me a gun. what happened to the promise i made myself? i skipped thrice this time. damn i hate myself for this. what's worse?the year of dog is yet to end. yes i believe in fengshui and the chinese astrology.to a certain extent.finally the opening of sui! i bought a new belt, handphone pouch and soon . . accessories when i get back to school. damn that lady, return me my moolah!what nonsense, nothing's on black and white so what right do you have to take it away from me?!you better return it to the rightful owner. nothing much to say except being away from school's really boring. i find no other way to kill time.im going for a job interview tomorrow.finally. it'll be a better day i tell myself.

you're a thought that never goes away
just so you know?
i've been thinking of you all day
you've never made me feel i meant something these days
what's on your mind baby would you let me know?
i can't tell i ain't gonna lie,
where are you? i ain't no spy.
what happen to the sweet sweet smile?
did something happen?who tore it down?
is it me?or something else?
im tired of guessing this just isn't a game
im no kid, so quit playing
are you gonna leave without a goodbye?
don't break your promise.
but somehow i know you will.
someday and you will see
you'll be apologising to me

i rather you be mean than love a lie
i rather hear the truth than have to say goodbye
i rather take a blow
at least then i will know
but baby don't you break me heart slow

my head's spinning
i can't help thinking about what i can't do
to say what's on my mind just right to you it's true
maybe it sounds like i've been trying
way to hard for you to believe
but all is done and you have nothing left for me

let me go don't hold me tight
i say a prayer for the pain to subside
in the night when im asleep
i wished that you were mine to keep

don't you look me in the eye

or come way too close to be by my side

coz everytime i hear your name

the feeling in me just ain't the same
so goodbye

everthing's changing
i don't quite understand the way you behave
it seems like we've just known each other just the other day
maybe the problem lies with you or
maybe we just ain't meant to be
what good you bring when all you left was hurt for me

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 12:53 PM

I don’t wanna close my eyes
cuz i dont want you to leave when am not looking
but i dont wanna keep my eyes open
cuz i dont wanna watch you walk away

At times you have to forget
what you feel,remember,or deserve
coz it's never enough to please everyone
you'll never be happy if you remember

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 10:58 AM

Morning! here im in school once again.3/4 days. im proud of myself.

today:

diarrhoea

school

search for job
SUI! meeting

emcee rehersal.

5th Janc

went to the chalet. it was great!

the birthday girl!

the 2nd day was better though. met up with syl and the rest FINALLY. Ghwad i miss them and those days we used to hang around at my place. Edna took picture with this indian guy and it was damn funny. he bought a sunflower for her and the took the picture with it. edna was joking around tellin us that he was her new boyfriend.hah of course she was kiddin! edna cannot deny her addiction for mahjong, so her mom decided to have her a vanilla mahjong cake.

i was the joke of the day, thanks to sylvia! falalala, i ain't gonna reveal my chinese name.haha. ok, i know im random, im just trying to say everything i can remember. im random right tantan?for real?ahha

mahjong

blackjack

took pictures while waitin for tantan to pick us up.

In tantan's car . .making ourselves comfortable in the car.

BBQ

5,10

drink

up or down

The Brothers and I. :) Finally, a reunion after last Christmas.

The first picture.haha they look unprepared and retarded. from left: Chris - Val/hungup partner/flo/sylvia

the second one. Hungup looked like she's so touched and on the verge of tearing.ahah. These are the people who brought me Joy and were with me when i was at my lowest. Thank you! Love you all.

tao huay with sylvia and tantan at geylang.

that's the end:)

updates: Found my new home! not fully furnished but it's ok. im actually still considering if i should move out. like i can do alot with the money spent on renting and additional bills. like my car licence, buying a car? shopping? paying of my phone bills? return my sister? so many things. and my second sis is movin out as well. so it's gonna be my parents and i at the end of the day. i would rather renovate my room with that money but how? i wanna have my space. sigh somebody help me!

my thoughts are weaving

i see you leaving

maybe it's best you leave me alone

you say you like me

but i don't feel it coming

maybe it's best you leave me alone

should i leave or should i stay

i don't want to force you in anyway

i know you'll say it's my say

how now?i have to decide today

help me someone to think it through right now

it's killing me now that the home is found

the cons are bringing me down

but the pros are making things seems sound

the money spent is a tat too much

with it i can do many other things like paying bills and taking my licence and such

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 1:04 PM

was early for class today again! thumbs up!:)haha. thanks noel for the wake up call. but then, i took a cab as usual. what's new.

i ate porridge AGAIN. damn sian. i wonder if my tummy's fine already.i crave for SOLID food for goodness sake. chicken chop la, hokkien mee ah, economic rice. wah. . siao liao i think by the time i heal completely, I'll put on massive weight. YEAH! Dolly's back with my "STALL-BELLY" pocky!:) haha.at last, im chewing on something,not swallowing.

while we were at the canteen . . . look at kelvin. vain.
michelle and zhiping

m in the middle of break time now.and miss karen is peeping into what im typing. we're all dead bored. hurricanes, tornadoes and what nots. makes me go nuts. Michelle and i were looking for jobs a while ago, to our disappointment, nothing. i was thinking St. James power station - cashiers. but at the same time, it'll be till late.sigh i need moolah moolah!

using all the spare time, i continued my search for my new home. this time, better! i managed to circle three units. haha. i think the limited adverts for the past few days was probably due to the festive season. dammit, i text William to arrange and he has yet to reply me. we'll wait and see.

im damn tired, i miscounted the number of times i doze of in class. there's gonna be meeting later,2 meetings. ALC and SUI! ok, I'll blog later when im home if anything interesting happens. bye!
these are some pictures of SUI! the shop.

in class
i sit and stare at the blinds
i can't keep sleep outta my mind
i dozed off countless times
i feel drunk like i just drank wine
but I'll try not to cross the line
before she turns unkind
so that everything will be just fine

me
it feels like a soft jelly outside
with little cells inside
they make themselves comfortable
and they sleep not only at night

the more the merrier they say
so they can grow bigger this way
up and down and everywhere around
but if you allow you'll have to pay someday

it'll make you sick and down
with low self esteem,feeling like a clown
you'll be out of place and made fun of
and eventually you'll stay out of town.

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 11:25 PM

just monday i caught NIGHT at the MUSEUM with the leong family. darren,noel,debby and father leong. we went p.s and bought 16bucks worth of popcorns,drinks and nachos.can you believe it?this debby sure can eat. the movie was great! great for kids and family and of course - for laughs. it's really touching at the end to see how ben stiller made his son finally proud of having a dad like him. and it really tickled my bone hard when i found out that owen wilson was in it as well, as a miniature cowboy ahha. the movie brings you from the past to the present and the future with it's history-turned-into-life plot. it's a "BENSTILLERIOUS" movie i must say. i gave this movie 4/5 MARYLAMBS :)

first day of school! damn tired. i didn't know how to do a thing at all. so far i got 2 Es. i seriously think i have to retake modules or repeat. people were sleeping in class! haha.i took the pictures but i have no idea where it went to. shit.

SUI! is renovated! so excited when i went into it. stayed on til 8plus 9. packed and played with the sticker maker.haha. took a cab home with laijie and we're gonna claim it from school.shiok!

ate porridge and cleaned the entire house. changed my sheets,mop the floor,clear the mess. i feel fresh!

there is no apartments available for me in serangoon at all! i bought the papers today and to my disappointment there was nothing at all, NOTHING for me. i wonder when it'll be the time i move in. it's to limited and restricted in serangoon.dammit.

today i start anew
my life is fresh and true
look ahead for things won't last
learn your mistakes from the past
change for no one but yourself
time won't wait for you to dwell
until you see the light
you are nothing near being right
never give up and always stay strong
keep going on and you won't be wrong

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 3:50 AM

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

it's been a while now and i realised so many things have happened. well,i shall leave everything behind and look at what's ahead of me. don't look back now. i hope.

*Things i've done while i was away*
malaysia with blondies n nerd
stay over at blondie's
town with jason for 2movies
town with darren for movie
town with sisters and mom
town with clarine and timothy
christmas shopping
mahjong with mingxue,xiping,keith and clarine
mahjong with darren and noel
mahjong with noel and clarine
mahjong with noel,daryl ,ryan and clarine
truckloads of car rides
rollercoaster at binjai park
met up with lorraine,jason and davin
shopping
dinner dinner and more dinner
viewin of my new home
planning of finances

i think that's all that i can remember?

a bumpy ride that's left behind
don't look at where the sun don't shine
it brings you down and makes you whine
just look ahead and pray everything's fine
don't curse and swear if they're not kind
just take them as silly passer-bys
coz what's left behind is not anymore yours or mine
just make sure you stay in line
and prepare yourself for another try

NEW YEAR"S DAY

rollercoaster, drive up faster
check the road so it'll be safer

rollercoaster, drive down slower
behold if there's cyclist or we'll get into trouble

*ahead- to do-to go-to buy)to save for*
driving lessons
in search for my new home n move in by end of JAN
5weeks of Sem 2
edna's birthday
darren's birthday
mabel's birthday
NEW YEAR CLOTHES
CNY
get a job
2 months hols
Start of YEAR2 . . .

MARYLAMB SAYS : sometimes it's better that you don't have a car:)

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 7:37 PM

are they wants or needs?
i'll be happy if they're mine to keep.
materials they are
they won't get me far

but they keep me happy

a least for a while.

BALENCIAGA DIOR

PAUL SMITH
JUICY COUTURE

"santa clause is coming to town.."

the song goes on but he's no where to be found

i hope he's busy noting my christmas list

getting everything i want so i'll have a "feast"

ride up the sky in the night for miles

break my window and come into my house

i want my presents under my christmas tree

the lights are lited so he can see

put some in the sock if there's no space

take your time cause' there's still 11 days.

GUCCI
LOUIS VUITTONROBERTO CAVAILLI

EMMA GORDON

APPLE

that's all for now

there's too many to count

don't be conned

cause' the list goes on . . .

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 6:10 PM

if it makes me happy
would you give all to me?
would you say please or give me a kiss?

if it makes me unhappy
would you stop and wait?
would you bring me out for more dates?

if it makes me smile
would you do it again?
would you travel the mile to pick me whenever it rains?

if it makes me cry
would you be there?
would you squeeze in time for me so i won't be alone to bear?

if it makes me struggle
would you not continue?
would you hug me tight and understand how i feel?

if it makes me stress

would you help me through?

would you do anything just so im not blue?

if it makes me worry
would you erase my thoughts?

would come by and say you miss me a whole lot?

if it makes me misses you

would you appear?

would you let me know that you are near?

if it makes you say no

i would be sad

i would probably never will be glad

if it makes you unhappy

i would have known the reason well

i would known that i don't mean as much as you tell

if it makes you say yes

i would be smiling

i would want to hear you say you'll wait for me my darling:)

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 5:30 PM

lying on a lazy afternoon
waiting for the rise of the moon
rain pours down on an open wound
spirits get low and tears will fall soon.

thinking of thoughts that would kill
the person on the phone will never feel
he'll probably think it's no big deal
but not even the time that pass will heal

be glad and not think today
leave the things in the head at bay
there is nothing you can do about it anyway
"so why stress unneccessarily" you say.

things in mind always remains

thoughts alone can't make the change

so be it if he thinks it's strange

for whatever he says, it'll be the same

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 5:08 PM

mouth wide open

the spread's a team.
known outside the circle

damn the spilled beans

talk of the town
stories learned
please stop it now
never will return

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 8:23 PM

bloodymary bloodymary
what a joke, but it ain't funny.

bloodymary bloodymary
there ain't any leak in the chevy

bloodymary bloodymary
if there's free flow, no worries, i won't be savvy.

bloodymary bloodymary
get over it, or i won't be merry.

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 8:04 PM

i love it when you call but you never call at all.
i feel like a fool cause' it's you i adore.

i should have known better that this won't go anywhere further.
this feels like a murder.

i hate this feeling in me when it's you i can't see.
i know in my heart you'd agree.

take me to a place where everything goes according to our pace,
nothing else i can see but your face.

run away and hide for we can't be seen in the light.
we'll only operate in the night.

gone is your love with the new birth.
afraid ,im on my nerves.

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 7:12 PM

i was the joke of the day. once again, i didn't leak a thing.AND IM NOT BLOODYMARY. it's not funny.

was suppose to watch movie in town yesterday with erniye, rahman, gary and clarine. but there wasn't any good show at all. met darren and noel for a while in town. i didn't go clubbing with them. broke. it felt like the good old times again. we went marina south to have steamboat at chong pang. it was damn fun! it's my first time so don't blame me for being a turtle.ahha. gary was a lil unhappy coz we ain't playing mahjong.haha. and i was the only one with clean hands and i have to help msg and pick up calls. the oil keep splattering all over and i was so afraid that i stood up away on another table to have my food. it splattered on my face once and another time the clam jumped.haha.erniye kenna in the eye too. the soup was damn nice but the food. . . soso. the fun was 10/10. :)

this is clarine and i on the way to town or chong pang. haha. checking out my new phone's camera! oh ya forgot about my new phone. i bought it on thursday. sony ericsson k8ooi:)

this is erniye taking seafood!

sad gary taking the cold chilli crab.

rahman waiting for us.

this is me! and clarine ahah. reflections.

our table of food.

erniye - our iron chef hahaha. gary gave him the nick name coz he was standing and cooking the chicken. and this is erniye pouring the soup back into the kettle coz it's too full. "boy ah, i want water boy" haha gary said that. damn

funny. haha after which i went clarine's place and dil and pang came to meet us. pang was damn tired. look at him sleeping. in adil's car.ahha

dil say cheese!

adil's devastated face.

people watch porn. . but pang chooses to listen to them and laugh. . .

our night ended soon after.

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 7:09 PM

let it go let it go let it go
or forever you'll be feeling low
you're twisted and in shame
let it go or the pain remains

wash those memories away
or you won't ever have a good day
dad let it go let it go let it go
i want to see you smile and be bold

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 7:02 PM

the day's not quite gone
the night's not quite here
m trying to laugh it off
now go on and jeer

come on it's just a joke
come on you made them laugh
it's not the hate i hope
m trying to be tough

m alright
better than the beginning
say no more tonight
or i'll screaming.

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 3:13 PM

i reminice those times when i was young

you brought me for car rides to see the night lights
woke me up from my sleep for supper late in the night

down to the beach with the sand i play
the biscuit i'd buy everytime before i leave the place

the lie you told me about scorpians biting me
the times i pretend to sleep so you'll piggy bag me

the times we laugh together in front of the tv
hang out together at the coffee shops with your friends, so many

smell your smoke that lingers on my uniform
see you hit that wall, i know you're strong

the nights where there were only the two of us
chicken wings i'd buy and movies that won't last

the cards i'd give you and the smile you'd give
all i ask is for your love i'll receive.

i miss you and times we had dad
but now i feel like we're strangers that haven't met.

i want to run to you and give you a big hug
i have never done that before, i'll like to try my luck

i wanna to shout out loud that i love you dad
no matter what happens good or bad

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 2:22 PM

in counted. 28 times. that's the amount of days i didn't go to school. i think i have to repeat module. hopefully not semester. im glad that for now. it's the holidays. :) eh gabby, if you're reading this, car ride never call me! anyway, talking about car rides, i just remembered. the other day when i was out with darren at cine, we saw car racing at the junction behind cine. it was damn!! OMG! this ugly but really fast car speed to the middle of the junction and did a stunt. he skid and turn and parked at the side with a direction that is opposite of the incoming traffic. it was damn cool! he took like say 5 secs to do that? it was really damn cool la.

sitting by the window, sun shining at me
look out at the field, what a beautiful scene
thoughts running in my head, i cannot stop
what is happening to me, im so afraid.
the time seems to stop when it comes to me.
misery pass me by so slowly
minute by minute, everything is drifting away from me
i pretend i have it all, but im left empty handed.
fitting in to a suit i don't belong.
it makes me sad, it makes me mad
the day has come.
the world has turn it's back on me
i have no one to rely on
there is no love left for me
i hate this place

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 2:29 PM

don't show me you care
don't pretend you do
you have many others to pretend it to.
leave me alone if you don't intend to stay
or i'll ask for more and make you pay

dammit im thinking of you:(

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 2:02 PM

untie your string
show me your thing
i won't blink
be my fling

innocence takes charge
it asks for your touch
i won't budge
if it isn't too much

make your way down
make me high up town
but don't make a sound
let's enjoy where we are now

tear my mask
unleash our lust
take up the task
but it ain't a must

think not of the time
every thing's fine
leave all things behind
for you are now mine

you're hot and wet
let me wash away your sweat
let's sneak out on my dad
and give ourselves a pat.

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 1:42 PM

24th or 25th? i lost count of the number of times i have not appeared in school. dammit. oh well, im left with two days of school and weee!!! holidays! im hoping that i will find a job soon. and i have not forgotten about 15th december. car ride day. hopefully he still remembers. just had katong laksa with the leong brothers. stayed over. yeah ah leong has a week off. went town yesterday with joseph and darren, caught tenacious D. it is a damn stupid show. no meaning to it. seriously don't catch it. it's a waste of money though it made me laugh a lil. like i said only a lil. had cartel for dinner - darren's treat. thanks leong! dinner was great. wanted to shop but no moolah moolah! dammit. okay, so it's been a few days since i have blogged. shall update.

went for car ride that day with dil and clarine. not that bad la huh. then of course i was hanging out at tiamo as usual.i went to meet syl at her office on friday to help her with her ipod and she treated me to ben and jerry's. haah. she damn cute la. the other manager thought i was her girlfriend like what the hell. haha. might be meeting her on tuesday yeah! i need help for my christmas tree! my ornaments are lying all over the floor. and i have not done it up yet.

i can't wait till thursday 7th december. it's my mom's birthday.but that's not the reason why im so happy. ahah. i can't wait to get my new phone! i feel weird about it though. no rhyme nor reason. but im still happy! at last i don't have to suffer from frustration due to my laggy phone. i don't know what phone to get though. wanted the Sony Ericsson's cyber shot but then some say it ain't that fantastic. so we shall see. dammit i still want my ipod. and more clothes and moolah. i need to work i need to work. that bloody guy have not call me yet. shall call him when monday comes. once i start work over there i will have less time for everything. then i won't go down to tiamo that often and then, there will be lesser possibility that i will irritate him. right? it was just a joke but he was mad about it. oh well.

alrights, im done updating. till then!

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 2:53 PM

TO MY MATH FACILITATOR JOANNA CHUA

walk into the room of white
cold and dull with lights
table of five with sturdy chairs and a lesson with no insight

stand in groups of fours or fives
present your thing with life
i want to sleep, get out of this shit and get someone to go for a drive.

check out the slides on the screen
it ain't no movie you've seen
where numbers and letters are the casts and directors and the plot shapes a graph not a scene.

if you're sick go home and sleep
your teachings, we don't reap
you talk too fast, your lesson lasts from dawn til dusk, you make us want to weep.

one by one leaves the room
it's already three hours past noon
you are terribly boring, not exciting,, i hope you'll leave us soon

you look all around us
we've all collected dust
stop the harress, aren't you embarrassed that we ain't awake in class?

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 11:04 AM

hooray it's over!
im high in the sky MR!

i needed that smile
it's all worthwhile.

now my heart is lighten
i feel my day has brighten

no hate, no fear
whenever you're near

no more worries i hope
my heartbeat, i can cope

friends again we are alright?
we shall let bygones be bygones tonight

thank you for that smile again
im as happy as a kid with a candycane.

:))))))))

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 10:58 AM

step into red
it's never too late

i see a face
in hope to chase

laze around let the time pass us by
if i say im not interested, trust me, it's a lie

smile to me, make me laugh
make fun of me, it's never enough

don't give me that look when i walk away
it's just a game or two, so if you may?

tell me you're alright when you don't talk
or i'll start feeling weird and go for a walk

i'll let you know when im down so don't you worry
let's laugh the night away, be high and merry.

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 10:52 AM

you feel like a stranger
i didn't know what to say
the days we used to hang out are now at bay

i miss the times though, i wonder if you do
it's not that i don't call you, i just don't know how to.

the people you were with are still the same
people around me always change

i won't forget you, once a best friend
i'll always remember the times w e had then

the movies the drinks the car rides at night
our favorite road and bumby rides

though you're insensitive and hurt me at times
piss me off and argue and whine
we'll still be friends throughout our lifes
the one i'll not forget, the one i'll give high fives.

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 9:11 PM

I dreamt of myself running away last night
Towards a palace in the garden to the arms of my knight
But right before i could hug him tight
He disappeared right before my sight

i sat on what's suppose to be a garden
the flowers has withered and soil has hardened
the rundown site was actually a kingdom
i felt a cold wind blow out of a sudden

winter has come, ice falls down
summer has gone away with the wild
i tried to hide so i won't be found
but everywhere says ' out of bound'

i cried out loud for help in fear
my heart races when he's coming near
the ice bites are so pain, i start to tear
then from afar i heard a cheer

"joy to the world the child is born!"
"we'll hunt her down and make her torn!"
"no one's to stop until dawn"
then i heard the sound of a horn

running steps with cheers and roars
laughter, giggles and a whole lot more.
i peeped and saw them walk in fours
they had with them thick chains and saw

i waited while they get on further
then i stood up and ran much faster
i broke a branch, the road seems tougher
they must have heard cause' they came right after

beads of my perspiration turn into ice
snow starts falling, it blocks my eyes
im so afraid i began to cry
they came so close i thought i'd die

i tripped and fall over a stone
when i looked around me it was full of bones
there were cracking sounds and i heard a loud moan
it was deep and rough with a sinister tone

there he stood in the middle of the land
rising above as he raise his hands
the sight of his face scares all man
he thought he has this all well planned

he controlled my body and pulled me to him
told me to swear as the moonlights turn dim
that i would continue to be depressed, to sin
i tried to run but i had to limp

all over my body im drenched in blood
i stepped on thorns and got pierced by darts
im wounded deep inside my heart
the ground shake, and it opened apart

i went near the hole and felt the heat.
the fire was burning but i took a leap
on the other side i took a peep
i saw angels and they put me to sleep.

I heard prayers above my head
For once I thought to myself, I was dead
I opened my eyes and he said
“my dear child, this is your fate.”

My body rose up to the clouds
Angels in white, it felt like a cult
Pain in my body, I start to shout
“take me away!” I said aloud

I want out of this nightmare
woke up in sweat this is rare
I screamed for help but nobody cared
I want to open my eyes, but I don’t dare

My eyes wide open, it was hard to deal
There I was in the centre of a field
Ahead of me lies a windmill
I walked closer to see if it’s real

Head hanging, they collide
Blood flowing from every side
In fear, I closed my eyes and recite
The prayers in my head in might

I ran away to the wild, as the day turns dark
Dogs are chasing they start to bark
i tripped and fell over a mark
I stopped and climbed over to a yard

There I saw the same scene I dreamt
Terror overwhelmed, I smell a scent
Flowers everywhere there was a dent
To my horror I saw my name on what I thought was a stone bench

People crowding around in the cold, in the wind
They couldn’t feel my hold nor hear my scream
I peeped and stood there in shock from what I’ve seen
There I was, sick and pale, lying in the coffin.

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 3:55 AM

home! finally after chris' birthday bash, or should i say gathering as her friend named it.haha.took a whole lotta pictures with xuan using chris' lappy.had fun with that. shall post it when i get them eh. the food was great! Sam's cullinary skill is awesome! i had pasta with thick beefy sauce and chicken with peas and cocktail.i thought the cocktail was really special. lime,mint,calamansi,bacardi and hint of sprite.shall try that during christmas.well, haven't planned anything yet, have to call syl soon. i thought today was great, meeting up with hungup and chris. too bad syl's not there and flo went back early. didn't get the chance to catch up with her. anyway HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY TO CHRIS!!! :))))

the conversation i had reminded me that i really need to work and get my stuff i posted. seriously, i miss those days going down town or surfing online clicking away and getting the things i want to without thinking much.damn.i want my IPOD and new phone and oh more clothes! ah.... moolah moolah.i ain't no moolah!

so people, saw me on mtv yet? if you have not then too bad.haha, it's embarressing anyway.i looked dumb.i was screaming my head off when i saw myself.

okay, please check out my friend's video and support it by telling everyone you know about it! spread across and make it YOUR WORD OF MOUTH. www.myspace.com/mcsu : ))) THANKS!
to joshua - i think you owe lots of people a favor for helping you to advertise eh, ahha.anyway, it's great work done.

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 6:59 PM

pick me up at 6
wait for me, my date

awkward silence throughout the ride
i tried to speak but my words collide.

lost and weird i felt.
it was a tough one i delt.

explored what i call majestic
though it wasn't close to fantastic

one end and the other
then beside me, closer and closer

a warm head and cold fingertips
you came above me and touch my lips

it felt so right yet it feels so wrong
my tongue stays in, im afraid im conned.

million lines are drawn for you
keep them in mind, but i won't sue

hold my hands up high you smiled
i say 'no' though i wanna go wild.

a man indeed of age and grace
never grows old,what an adorable face.

experiences do count, now that's my taste.
is this over lust? cause' i can tell when you gaze.

wander around with not eyes but fingers
in your head i hope my smell lingers.

time is up at half past nine
clear the mess, leave nothing behind

to home we head, it's a wrap
this time around, i feel no gap.

im on cloud nine with glimpse of it
but somehow i realised, we're no kids.

keep it low, no one knows
you and me, we're so bold.

now keep this with me
secret affair on twenty three.

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 6:26 PM

stop for a while, get some dope
rock and roll down the road.

familiar faces, familiar car
different places, we get so far

feel the vibration, as we pass
that's the speed, how very fast

round and round the roundabout
turn on the music, let's get loud

what a coincidence that we see
people we know, a he and a she

held a conversation, say our goodbyes
but somehow, my tongue got tied

rough voice from a song of johnny cash
head down the road again,it was a dash

excitement got us on a dead end
a great driver indeed,of one hand

of lorries and trucks, the cars in between
hanky-panky, they're afraid to be seen

one straight road of a hundred and sixty.
head down to the dam,let's get crazy.

ride on fast through the "hall of fame"
bike stunts, they're all the same.

traffic lights after traffic lights.
we tried over again, to race the night.

wait no more, step up, let's go!
next time again, if you say so.

what a pity, adrenaline rush fades
if only you speed up, that's all it'll take.

in the blink of an eye.
im home at past five.

late nights, car rides this is part II
stay up for more, ain't this cool?

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 1:47 PM

walking down this lane
i start to feel faint

im not ashame
but i feel the pain

give me a candycane
make me go insane

look through the window pane
see the grass turns greener as it rains

untie my heart that's tangled with chains
smile at me, perhaps i'll feel the same.

i hope you'll be happy when you say my name
tell me this is not one of your games

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 11:26 AM

ain't feeling my best these few days. oh well. i hate it when there's misunderstandings. God, when will this stop? Mr Gab didn't talk to me yesterday, he didn't look fine to me, i asked and he didn't wanna say. tsk, i wonder what happen. it feels weird not seeing him making funny faces and smiling with that look.

i guess i shall stop for a while. this is bad.i have never been this down before.

nothing much to say.
i close my eyes and pray.

all i want is to sleep away
this entire thing today

sick and tired of everything around
i don't wanna hear a sound

pull me aside and tell me you're fine
if you're down don't leave me behind.

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 3:40 PM

"This is my tribute to the nice girls.
To the nice girls who are overlooked,
who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong.

This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date,
who don't want to play mind games,
who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times.

This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch,
because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood.

This is homage to the girls who laugh loud and often,
who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention.

This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to "time heals all wounds."

This is to honor those girls who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.
This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it's an experience that they don't want to miss.

For the girls who have sought a night with friends and been greeted by a night of catcalling, rude comments and explicit invitations that they'd rather not have experienced.

This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages,
who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile,
who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first hot girl in a skirt.

This is for the girls who have been told that they're too good or too smart or too pretty,
who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship,
who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.

This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won't because it's easier to sleep with a whore than foster a relationship;

this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with.
This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over her, he's just not looking to be tied down;

this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want
you, it's that they don't want anyone.
This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place;

this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech,
for the nights when you've returned home alone,
for the nights when you've seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he's with to be a random hookup.

This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn't that he didn't want a relationship: it was that he didn't want you.

I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he'd realize what it was that he already had. This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.

This is for the "I really like you, so let's still be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended;
this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you not cry yourself to sleep.

This is for the hugs you've received from your female friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; t
his is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and your bolster.
This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something;

this is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we'd have ever wanted.
This is for the girls who have been satisfied with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more:
for the girls who don't think that they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.

Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful
men despair that no good women want to share in their lives, that girls play mind games, that girls love to keep them hanging.

Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls,
were you to give her your number and wait for her to call... and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion,
were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend,
would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the "stalker chick" you'd met the night prior,
who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth?
And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this "nice girl" who you just cannot seem to find?

Because therein lies the truth, guys:
we nice girls are everywhere.

Nevertheless, you're not looking for a nice girl.
You're not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intramural basketball game,
or your anatomy midterm grade,
or that argument you keep having with your father;
you're looking for a quick fix,

a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.
So don't say you're on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take.

Sometimes we go undercover;
sometimes we go in disguise:
sometimes when that girl in the low cut shirt or the too tight miniskirt won't answer your catcalls,
sometimes you're looking at a nice girl in whore's clothing
we might say we like the attention,
we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends,
but we're all thinking the same thing:
"This isn't me. Tomorrow morning, I'll be wearing a tee-shirt and flannel shorts, I'll have slept alone and I'll be making my hung-over best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me."
You never do.
Why?
Because you only see the exterior,
you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances.
You don't want the nice girl.. so don't say you're looking for a relationship:
relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we're willing to extend - - but in return, we're looking for compassion and loyalty and trust,
hree things you never seem willing to express.

Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they're running they're chasing after the whores and the sluts and the easy-targets...
the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congratulatory hug
hoping against hope that maybe you'll realize that they're the ones that you want at the end of that silly race.

So maybe it won't last forever.
Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we're waiting;

however, until that happens,
we still have each other,
that silly race to watch,
and all the chocolate we can eat
(because what's a concession stand at a race without some chocolate?)"

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 12:13 PM

im going crazy. seriously. i can' t take this anymore. harsh. i can't stop thinking. im not guilty. you think you ain't too. so why not just talk it out. i can't stand this. im going nuts nuts nuts. somebody hand me a gun. SHOOT ME. please tell me all this will be over and we'll have smiles on our faces when we see each other again.

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 11:23 AM

FOR YOU MR.

this ain't happening
tell me it's a misunderstanding

why the anger and tone
im facing this all alone

i've cleared the history if it makes you happy
but talk to me so we can see if everything tallies

im sorry to mention without checking
i guess i just wasn't thinking

i see a point to confront and clear
so don't walk away when im coming near

im not guilty if you think im
that's not why i wanna clear the air

i just can't stand you believing
what i did and said was all pretending

i pray hard for you to see
the point in having you to agree to talk to me

i don't want to walk pass you
pretend to not know each other and be cool

let us talk things out to come to a conclusion
may there be no hate, no confusion.

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 8:03 PM

it's raining december
i can still remember
the times we had together

mom dad it's pain to see
how you drove me to insanity

my life, my soul
you've burnt a hole

my heart thumps
i've been tortured, and now im numb

i can never smile
being your child

too many sleepless nights
i've no strength to stop your fights

the beatings and thrashing
were never worth suffering

every step i take
i can't help but shiver and shake

you left a bruise
im being used

when you cry, i sympathised
im hurt deep, but i compromised

laying on my bed i think
how deep it'll be if im a ship and i sink

out of the window i stare at the night sky
i wonder how i had gone through this life of lie
being happy and pretending to be
but in my heart i feel im down on bended knees

praying hard to my sleep every night
that one day you will stop this fight

torn tissues and a sore heart
swollen eyes and a deep cut

i pray to God and wonder
how life would be if mine was shorter
where only the life of childhood were lived
the time where i'll stay forever young and naive

no thoughts of death
or when i'll take my last breathe.

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 7:55 PM

the wind blew me away
empty streets led me astray

everystep takes me deep
into a world i seek

hangouts on the street sides
the journey is a ride

the things i've seen
the place i've been

my thoughts fill up the air
im leaving, i can't bear

take me away mr arab street man
may so long sweet summer never ends

P.S - i wrote this some time ago when i went to arab street.
so my inspiration - arab street of course. :)

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 7:35 PM

the pain is excruciating
i want to break down crying
i hope my heart stops pumping
please tell me im dying

no tears to weep
my eyes are dry
somebody help me
i need to cry
i can't i know
but i will try
or else my friend
just let me die

don't help me to fight my fear
bring me along, let's get away from here

hug me tight my sweet dear
hold my hand, promise you'll always be near

lay down on the field, watch the stars
run to the road, get knock down by cars

smoke truckloads of cigarettes, my lungs reek of tar
drink bottles of alcohol, get drunk at the bar

my feet can't balance, not anymore
my heart, my soul, my body has tore

the sight of you two makes me sore
i need someone, i've got sorrows to pour

bang my head against the wall
til i bleed, until i fall

i need you now, give me a call
protect me my knight, give me your all

im sick and tired, the games you play
i ain't listening, the words you say

there's a will, but there's no way
the torment and toil, i'll make you pay

i will drown myself deep underwater
slit my wrist, with the kitchen cutter

i've gone through too much as your daughter
you ruined my life, father mother

i can't control my temper, my aggression
you make me feel ultimate rejection
for seven years did i live in tension
you drove me to the edge, to depression

oh, and did i mention?
for you, dad mom,
these are my confessions.

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 1:38 PM

late nights and car rides made me high

pop my head out to the misty sky

put your hand out and feel the air
catch the wind as it brushes your hair

dance to the rhythm of your heartbeat

move with the car but get hold of your grip.

feel the pressure as the tyres tear
race the race, it's a dare

take a risk, pull a stunt.

if we crash, hit and run.

night lights shine as the car pass by

light up my cigarette while i say goodbye

to home we head

now lay down on your bed

what a great ride

what an exciting night.

spottedat;
♥marilyn

♥ 9:52 AM

found some random stuff online and found it
kinda cool. look at this pink flooring. it has this liqufied effect when you step on it. damn cool.

this is the dolce & gabbana cafe. it's all in gold following up thir ever popular motorola limited edition D&G gold phone.

next is the pink roundabout sofa seat. it'll be cool if there's like a table in the middle or something.

this is a drenched in diamond mercedez benz. can you believe it. what the phish right? "when you are too rich, you get out of the world ideas to make this even more expensive so when you get it, it's exclusive"

next it a designer lamp. and of course the picture says it all, it's named the gun lamp.haha how nice if i were to own one. i think if i do, i can forget about the rest of my decor in my room, maybe even the house.

That's all for cool stuff and cool places that's not in uncool singapore. :)

spottedat;
♥marilyn